This past week a friend graciously loaned me a book, one of those books that quicky becomes an extension of your limbs, that super glues your eyes to the small shapes and symbols of published ink that somehow sparks an interaction or dance between reading and reflecting. Now (2026), a book rarely survives my endangered attention span unless I get past the first 3 pages without needing some sort of distraction to re – orientate me, a little like a Netflix show, if it doesn’t catch me after 3 episodes my investment is withdrawn. Earlier (2002ish), books looked more like magazines (Thrasher) that taught me monthly step by stepSkateboarding tricks (can you even do a kickflip…bro?) that the not yet invented YouTube can now offer a detailed, fully rewindable, pausable demonstration (Yay!).
Landing a kickflip became an obsession in my youth, burning through endless pairs of not meant for skateboarding sneakers (or ‘guddies’ as me Mam had often cursed them), a rite of passage that ended in the ceremonial graduation from ‘He has a skateboard’ to ‘He is a skateboarder’. A seminal achievement in my own adolescence that catapulted me into a world of exploration, risk/reward, cuts, bruises, curses, and a community of peers where solidarity and connection with eachother offered a slight reprieve from the walls, borders, words, flags, schools, bombs, guns, bonfires, beliefs and institutions that often I perceived had so limited our sense of freedom.
SO…. I’m reading this book…and I read this line…
‘Starving for connection’
The sentence was in reference to the youth of today. It landed in me, (more like an ollie than a kickflip to be fair); though, has catapulted an exploration of my own perceptions, conditioning and reflections.
How do we feed connection? What is connection? Why is it important? What does it look like? Does everyone like the same food? When do we need it? Does technology count? What is our role in that? Why are the youth starving…?
So, the last week, I have actively been choosing to connect in the uncomfortable, challenging myself to connect with unfamiliar people around me. I even put it on my habit tracker this month. I realized fairly soon that I wasn’t really feeling that hungry and perhaps…hmm..definetly a little rusty with my social skills outside of my comfortable social structure. In my defense of myself, I did try a few snacks or hmmm…tapas, smiling (crookedly) at commuting strangers, many muchas lots of unreciprocated good mornings, 1 minute (ish) ‘conversations’ with the barista (does it count if they are getting paid and you don’t know there name but they know yours), non-creepy eye contact (not never in the urinal gents)…AND…even answering the phone to a private number and saying no to what they were selling with grace (answering alone is graceful, right?).
My intention has been purely to build more moments of connection, organically into my day-to-day interactions, without it being a group, a class or workshop where social norms and expectations are well rehearsed.
It was UNCOMFORTABLE.
There is a FAMINE.
There is WORK to be done.
When I learned how to skate, the whole world became a playground, a new place for a new trick, steps became jumps, hills became ramps, walls became places to slide, car parks became training grounds, handrails became….places to fall.
Perspective shifted.
New stories emerged.
Connection bloomed.
In its essence, skateboarding became a protest within a divided community to the established norms of society, a protest to existing ways of being, a journey to becoming something different than what had been accepted.
So today, I ask myself, how do I approach connection with the same curiosity, passion and exploration that once carried me through adolescence?
How can I gracefully approach this protest…?
Studies suggest that compliments can fade in 30 days…. ‘negative’ remarks can take up to 20 years.
We are all responsible to feed eachother.
Connect with kindness.
David Hedley
Mentor / OT